Working Mom Tale, Dealing with the Guilt

Its Saturday and i’m gladly spending times at home again, unless the boys wanting to go out. Its been like that since i could not remember. But let me just share you a bit of why i said i’m glad.

I use to work, 15 hours a day. It was before i got married to my husband, who works in the same company with me. 8 hours was the minimum i spent at the office.

 I was a manager at one big Fitness Company in Jakarta. If you read that numbers, you might think that the company gave me such pain. But the fact they did not. I was only needed to stay in charge for 6 hours. But because i moved to suburb in 2008, and had lots of early morning and after office hours class schedule, i packed my duty to reduce the transport. That included paperworks, self practise and mentorings.

After Haka was born in 2010, i tried to reduce the time in office. I also brought him because i was breastfeeding. And in another time, i worked as Trainer for Les Mills Asia Pacific. The Job required me to travel abroad mostly on weekends. Modules normally takes 3-4 days back then. So it was pretty tuff during the first years.

As the time passed by, i moved to Gold’s Gym Indonesia and still work for Les Mills . I had  that year when i did not have a break on weekend. And honestly it was all travel for work on weekends. My Husband also a trainer for the same company (man…aren’t we lucky?) so sometimes we take turn. But in some situation, we just couldn’t. So we have to leave Haka with my mom. Man that was tuff.

I flew a lot. Sometimes 4 times in 48 hours. For example, I could flew to Aussie only for training and rushed back home. And all of it only took less than 4 days. 6hours flight, jetlags, name it. You imagine how exhausted it was. But man, i do love my job.

Working is what i love. I started working at a very young age. Not because of the need in financial ( i was young, my mom took care of us really well), but because my mom educate us to work for what we want. She allowed me to work on my early years in uni. I  did business, i made bags. And i taught Aerobic classes. To me working is passion.

And when i found out i was pregnant with Haka, everyone on my side was so supportive. The company i worked with, the bosses, my husband. Public, not so much. They re not used to have pregnant woman do planks, jumps and stuffs. But it did not affected me anyway.

The hardest part of all milestones was when Haka entered Primary. He transitioned from a bilingual learning school to National School. He needed extra helps and guidance in everyday to help him adapt with his lesson. Transitioning to full Bahasa School is not easy as we use English in our everyday convo. His grades were below the expectation and he almost failed on first grade.

And i was that frustrated with balancing my job, life and Haka.

A friend of mine, who is busier than me, had more success story from me. She’s a mother of two. A mentor of mine, she told me to cut my guild. All the time. But how…i honestly think, i’m such a weak human. It is so hard for me not to think about the kid every time i left.

so then…..

I resigned from LMAP as per August 2017. Not because i hate the job or any other issue, but to fully commit with my daily job as instructor and a mother. As well a wife.

You see, my husband never complain. He loves and proud of his wife i can tell. But me, i was stuck with the guilts. I was always away, and when i’m home. I will always suffered from sickness, or overwork. The whole things was just overwhelming.

I was a bit jealous of SAHM. But at the same time, i envy the successful working mom out there who were able to balance – or at least try balancing their life.

I’m now working 11 hours a week. Fully focusing on teaching Group X classes and leading a team of wonderful , talented people. I cant say i’m not busy but i feel well. And thou sometimes it feels weird, having lota of free time to rest, but I do enjoy it. I do miss airports thou. Haha

focusing a lot building my own wellness business. Helping small business with endorsements. And just looking forward to build future with my family.

I really suggest, we as mother, To support each other. Stop mom shaming. I seriously thankful for lots of great women around me. Some of them live here but some are not in this country, but how we stay in touch and support each other all time is just right. We hang out by skype or facetime. And i think, thats just what we need right? Supportive Women around this world.

xx

Britt